What is development?
Growth? Movement? Creation?
Development can be all these, just one of them, or even something entirely different. However, one thing is clear: if you are dedicated to developing, the person you aspire to become will be different from who you are today.
Development can be challenging because it demands sacrifices that many people are reluctant to make, effort that most are not willing to exert, time that few are able to invest, and direction that many lack. Yet, if the vision of who you want to become is compelling enough to inspire your time and effort, what you need is clear direction and insight into the most significant sacrifices to make. This is where coaching plays a crucial role. With a little understanding of human behavior, as outlined below, we can collaborate with you to discover the most efficient path forward and identify the sacrifices that would yield the greatest benefits.
Growth? Movement? Creation?
Development can be all these, just one of them, or even something entirely different. However, one thing is clear: if you are dedicated to developing, the person you aspire to become will be different from who you are today.
Development can be challenging because it demands sacrifices that many people are reluctant to make, effort that most are not willing to exert, time that few are able to invest, and direction that many lack. Yet, if the vision of who you want to become is compelling enough to inspire your time and effort, what you need is clear direction and insight into the most significant sacrifices to make. This is where coaching plays a crucial role. With a little understanding of human behavior, as outlined below, we can collaborate with you to discover the most efficient path forward and identify the sacrifices that would yield the greatest benefits.
The misconception of development
A common misconception is the belief that everything you need in order to become who you want to be lies within you. This notion easily believed because it’s motivating and empowering, making us feel that with sheer willpower, change is achievable. But how effective has that been for you? The reality is that there are internal factors and external influences that continuously interact with one another. The tension you experience, which fuels your desire for change, actually stems from the relationship between your inner self and the external world.
The answer does not lie solely within you, but is is found in the collaboration between you and the external world. Healthy development is not about changing who you are to get what you want, but changing how you are in order to create better relationships with those around you.
Some examples might be:
Whatever your goals for development are, the process is always the same. Learn how what is in your relates to what is outside of you.
The answer does not lie solely within you, but is is found in the collaboration between you and the external world. Healthy development is not about changing who you are to get what you want, but changing how you are in order to create better relationships with those around you.
Some examples might be:
- You sense that your personality tends to drive people away so development might be finding new, attractive, behaviors that better express yourself.
- You find that others don’t heed your advice so development might be learning how to gain trust first..
- The expectations of life are overwhelming so development might be filling your life with fewer, but more meaningful, commitments.
Whatever your goals for development are, the process is always the same. Learn how what is in your relates to what is outside of you.
What is in you
Personality
Nature and nurture have made you who you are and this is expressed in patterned behaviors, beliefs, and traits that can be understood and leveraged.
Knowledge
Education and experience have taught you a lot about life and how it works. This knowledge can be expanded and adjusted as needed.
Will
Deep down you have specific desires that want to be expressed and lived out. Some of these are helping you and some of these are limiting you.
Your identity is shaped by three categories, each expressed differently depending on the context, such as at work versus home. Variations in behavior reflect how personality adapts to different environments. Whether this is good or bad depends on the context, which plays a significant role in personal development.
What is outside of you
Activity
The world is always moving with activity. Finding the right activity provides purpose and meaning to your life.
Security
Security is the experience of collaborating with something or someone strong enough to make you feel safe.
Authority
The permissions needed for you to live and work are created within structures of authority and hierarchies of decision making rights.
People
Connections to humanity through individuals and communities are what create the experiences of love, belonging, and intimacy.
The four categories discussed are complex and cannot be summed up in a single word. Security, for instance, can represent military strength or organizational rules. It involves considerations of freedoms and free will. Each category interacts with various aspects of life, highlighting their intricate nature.
The relationships of development
Now that you understand the categorical dynamics of your inner self (personality, knowledge, will) and the external environment (activity, security, authority, people), the next step is to recognize how these elements continuously interact with one another. Each of these relationships carries different levels of tension. When the tension becomes overwhelming, it signals a need for change. Since the only thing you can truly control is your own self, that is where your focus must lie. But how do you modify your behaviors without altering your personality? How can you adjust your beliefs without dismissing your understanding of reality? How do you pursue your desires when external influences seem to oppose them? Addressing these questions is the essence of development coaching.
