Impact
Development

What is impact? The dictionary definition is “to have a strong effect on someone or something.” So what effect are you having? The truth is we all have blind spots. We think we have the solution or the best idea and yet struggle to make those a reality. For whatever reason, people don’t seem to want to listen. So we try harder, but instead of getting better results our efforts end up causing more problems than good.

Being impactful has as much to do with other people’s opinions as it does with your own, maybe more, because having an effect on people is what impact is all about! And guess what? They are the gatekeepers to deciding what they want to listen to or not. Just like you are the gatekeeper to who has impact on your life. So if you want to improve your impact, you have to understand what is causing them to turn a deaf ear and blind eye to you. And you can not find that answer in yourself. The answers to improving your impact can only be found in other people. There is a reason you are not getting through, and that reason is in the mind of the people you want to impact. There are a lot of books and blogs that will teach you how to be more persuasive and influential, and they perhaps have some good tips. But what about you is keeping others from listening? What is it that is personally turning them away? The only way to learn that is to ask them.

If you want to develop in your impact then you have to go to the source. You have to be willing to ask people how you can improve. It really is the most efficient means for development. I know this is vulnerable and hard. But if it were easy everyone would do it. It is the very fact that it is hard that will allow you to rise above others in your impact, because they do not have the courage to do this. So take heart, consider your end goal, to improve your impact, and complete the following assignment:

Complete the following steps. 

1. Create a list of people who you trust and want to see you succeed. Try to think of at least 8. Some suggestions would be: spouse, boss, direct reports, friends, coworkers, kids, pastors.

2. Explain to them that you are working through a program to improve your people skills and ask them if they would be willing to give honest and thoughtful feedback to a couple of questions.

3. Email them the three questions below in the sample email. The pros to emailing is it allows them time give thoughtful answers. It doesn’t put them on the spot and it doesn’t put you on the spot. It might be really easy to get defensive at some of the answers but that is not in your best interest for development.

4. Gather the answers together and send them to me before our goal setting session.

Once you have emailed me all of your responses, schedule a session to go over them and decide on an impact goal you want to work toward.

Copy and paste the sample email below or use it as a guide and make it your own.  Ultimately, you want to get genuine feedback to the three questions ask the end of the email.

Dear __________
I am working through a program with a coach to help improve my impact with people. Part of this program requires getting some honest and thoughtful feedback from others on how I can make some positive changes in my people skills. Would you be willing to partner with me by emailing me back with answers to the following questions? At the end of the program I will be emailing you again to see if you have noticed any improvements. Please do not feel obligated if this makes you too uncomfortable, as the goal of this is to improve my relationships with people and not make them more awkward. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you.

1. How would you describe my best strengths I bring to a group of people?

2. How do those strengths get in my own way sometimes?

3. What behavior(s) could I change that would make you want to collaborate with me more?

Remember, when you get the responses, they are not attacking you, they are helping you. The answers you are getting from people willing to give honest, thoughtful, feedback, are worth more than gold. They are the keys to unlocking the kingdom of impact for you. Without them, you will continue to bang your head against a locked door, but now you have been given the password to maybe reach people in ways you have not been able to before. When you receive your response, email them back and tell them how grateful you are. DO NOT DEFEND YOURSELF! Over the next  few months you are going to have the opportunity to do something better than defend yourself, you are going to have the opportunity be able to overcome these issues. If you defend yourself,  the best response you can hope to get from them is feigned consent. But if you change in a way that connects with them better, then the response you get will be awe and respect. In your response, tell them thank you, how grateful you are, and that you are going to be taking these answers as well as others and working with a coach for improvements. Ask them if they would be willing to comment at the end of the program on any changes they see.