Whatever we feel we lack in life will flavor much of what we do, and often times that flavor will be distasteful to others. We can be the most giving person in the world, but if that giving is at all motivated by the need of recognition or validation, it will turn into a curse rather than a blessing for those we are trying to give to.
I remember my first coaching session with a friend of mine. He was a manager that wanted to work on organizing his schedule better. So, while sipping a mediocre cup of coffee over a sticky table in a fast food restaurant, I brought everything I had as a coach. I gave him all the reasons why he needed to change, which he already knew. I gave him all the strategies to employ, which he would have been doing already if they worked for him. I gave him a great tip on how to work on improving, which sounded good but actually fit my personality more than his. I did everything I could do as a coach at the time, and while the message in my head was he needs me to help him, the real message being spoken was I needed him to validate me as a coach. And in the end, neither happened.
I thought I was helping him from a place of giving, when in fact my own need outweighed what I had to give. And that coaching session tasted worse than the coffee I was pretending to enjoy.
Are you feeling a lackluster in the results of your giving efforts? Have an honest conversation with yourself or someone you trust. Is your need for something else outweighing what you are offering?
Get your motives straight by being willing to receive no recognition in return for what you do, then you will be in a better positions of clarity for what the person you are trying to help really needs.